5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
