those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
