I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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