I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
