Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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