He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
