two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
