Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
