My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
