I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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