so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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