I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
