is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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