what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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