piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You may now shotgun with the bride
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
