Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
