the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
