I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have already put on my inside pants.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
