you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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