You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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