im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
