69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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