im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
