i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
