Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just wanna soil my oats bro
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
