Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
