Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
