WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
