You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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