he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need water and some morals
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
