I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
