Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
