i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
