Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Randomize
