Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
