at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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