I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
