I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
