My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
