It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
