Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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