I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
