i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
