I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
