I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
