Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
