Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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