Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
