I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
