you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
