Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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